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Oxytocin Fuels Performance
I am a big sports fan, and this pandemic is ruining the college football season for me. In the deep south, football season is continuing as usual with crowds, bands, and all the usual festivities. While watching a game, I heard a story by one of the sportscasters that I’ve heard a number of times but it got my attention. “If the quarterback wants to win over the linemen, he has to go and work out with them. He needs to go into the weightroom and lift with them. After a while they will accept him as one of them and they will play for him.” This advice is told and retold not only to quarterbacks, but point guards, pitchers, running backs, and of course, executives. This ‘getting on their level’ applies to parenting, social work, clergy, and investigators. Lots of people believe they already do this, but it's only done in a way that satisfies their ego, not to actually see the world through the eyes of their people. The Science of Connection was actually developed by marketing agencies trying to build loyal customer bases for the companies they serve. Studying methods of developing emotional connections in business revealed important information to psychologists about human behavior. When people meet someone new, a portion of the brain, right in front, the Rostromedial Prefrontal Cortex (RPC) lights up. This is triggered by the excitement of a new connection, it is intense and very short lived. This response is common when you meet someone standing in line, in an elevator, a new colleague, or anyone you just strike up a conversation with. When you connect with people on a deeper level, the Temporoparietal Junction (TPJ) lights up. This happens when you share time, intimate information such as hopes and dreams, or when you experience an intense event. This feeling is long lasting and is strong enough to endure time and distance between people. What marketing executives figured out, psychologists picked up, and now sportscasters use as advice is rooted in the physiology of the brain. When the Temporoparietal Junction is activated, your brain releases oxytocin which intensifies the experience for the person experiencing it. This feeling is what makes someone insist on paying extra for Heinz ketchup, when the storebrand is just as good and $1 cheaper, or having the Michael Kors tag hanging off that handbag, or the Mercedes emblem on the front of your car. It’ll make you stand up for someone else, fall in love, or play football harder. The initial connection will make you smile, deep connection will make you love. Oxytocin makes people feel good, and drives them to make decisions that reinforce that good feeling. In leadership, if you’re looking for allies, make friends. Not just ‘smiling when you see them’ friends, but the kind of friendship that communicates that the other person matters to you. You see what you want to see. What do you see when you look at the people you work with? Do you see the best version of them, or do you see the frustrating thing or things they do? What you see makes all the difference, and it is a choice. I know, I know, by now you’ve created all kinds of justifications for your view of people but at its core, you decided that this was the narrative you would subscribe to. You also have the power to change it. If you do, it’ll make all the difference in the way they see you. Consider your response to their mistakes, if it just confirms what you already thought, then you don’t have a deep connection with them. Consider your response to mistakes by your children, they too can be frustrating but because of your deep connection, there isn’t the same resentment. That’s oxytocin at work. Insecurity causes stress, cuts off oxytocin and releases its evil cousin, cortisol which encourages selfish behavior. Cortisol resists connections, trust, and sharing so it must be eliminated from any relationship. When the leader shares time with the people who do the work, expects mistakes and forgives them, and is supportive, it means a lot. It releases oxytocin which encourages them to like that leader more, stand up for that leader, and want more approval. Their behavior makes the leader feel better (oxytocin), which encourages the leader to seek more of that behavior by doing more for them. This circle of igniting TPJ and flowing oxytocin starts with the leader. Rarely does a song get released, do it’s thing on the charts, fade, then get bigger over the next 40 years. That’s what happened with The Band’s 1968 song, The Weight. This song has been remade and reused more in the past 25 years than in the first 25 years it was written. In 1968, it peaked at number 63, in 2004, Rolling Stone listed it as number 41 of the 500 best songs of all time. The Rock and Roll Hall of fame named it among the top songs that changed rock and roll. Take a load off Fanny Take a load for free Take a load off Fanny And put the load right on me What the song hopes to communicate is an effort to make life easier for someone who is struggling by relieving them of their ‘weight’. The same principle works in leadership, but there is an added bonus for the person taking the weight, your ‘players’ will play harder for you. Everyone wants approval and support, leaders too. Taking their stress and offering approval is good for employees and the leader. Do it for yourself, relieve the people who look to you for leadership, enjoy the benefits, and SOAR! William A. Brown September 6, 2020 https://exploringyourmind.com/psychology-connection-art-connecting-people-heart/
