Indirect Bullying is Real

 

I remember the first time indirect bullying was reported to me. It wasn’t described as indirect bullying, what was described by the employee was feeling left out by her boss. According to the employee, her boss would greet the rest of the office and walk right past her. There would be long conversations with other employees about their work, family, and other topics while interaction with this employee was limited to one word exchanges. The employee tearfully reported that she would be left out of lunches, gatherings, and general conversations all because her boss didn’t like her. I have to admit it, at the time I had no idea why this employee was so bothered by being avoided by someone who didn’t like her. In my mind, if you don’t like her and she’s avoiding you, isn’t that good? After that meeting I learned more about indirect bullying but it wasn’t until I was a target that I fully understood what she was going through.   

The National Bullying Prevention Center at Pacer.org describes indirect bullying as behavior that hurts, harms, or humiliates, which is often covert, subtle, and not always immediately acknowledged as bullying. The words and actions can be harder to identify, can be done anonymously and discreetly, and the target might not find out about the bullying until long after it has happened. Compared to direct bullying where the harm and humiliation is overt and obvious, indirect bullying is difficult to pinpoint, difficult to know who is responsible, and difficult to know if all traces of it have been eliminated. Examples of indirect bullying include unfair criticism, intentional exclusion, gossip, sharing of embarrassing information, stealing, or mean spirited joking. Indirect bullying is invisible but its impact is real and people inflict it on people at work, in church, at home, and in all areas of life.

Targets of indirect bullying spend valuable time questioning who is involved and often become anxious about who the source of it might be. When indirect bullying is done anonymously, such as on social media, the target may feel like “everyone is in on it” causing serious anxiety and a feeling that everyone might be against them. Targets of this behavior often don’t know who they can trust, they feel isolated from peers and oftentimes isolate themselves causing even more anxiety. The consequences of workplace bullying and the extended anxiety that accompanies it can include headaches, sleep problems, depression, and suicidal ideation. Although indirect bullying is hard to fully capture, its impact is serious and has a negative impact on morale and productivity at work. 

Georgetown Sociology Professor, Michael Eric Dyson, writes about terror in terms of fast and slow. According to Dyson, “Fast terror is explosive and explicit… Slow terror is masked yet malignant”. Dyson describes fast and slow terror in the context of civil rights and discrimination, in the context of work the very same dynamic exists. Fast terror is the result of direct bullying, slow terror is the result of indirect bullying. Slow terror at work does not stop after quitting time, people carry it around with them and it has an effect on everything they do.

Employees are protected from bullying and all other forms of harassment whether direct or indirect and leaders are expected to enforce this protection. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) describes harassment as unwelcome conduct that is severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive. When a complaint is brought, take it seriously. I like to approach the source of the behavior first as if it were a misunderstanding and ask what their view of the situation is. This keeps them from going on the defensive and blaming anyone else. Maybe it was just an oversight that can be easily corrected. If it isn’t an oversight, the perpetrator will quickly begin to share gossip and rumors in an attempt to discredit the target. If this person is a leader, their behavior is problematic for the entire team and a more serious conversation about leadership is in order. 

Humans are communal animals, we thrive off of connections and inclusion with one another. When we are deprived of other people we yearn for it in ways that are invisible but very real. This is why prisoners are put in solitary confinement and this is also why some argue that solitary confinement is cruel and unusual punishment. In the case that was brought to me, there was a personality conflict between the employee and her boss. Real conversations needed to be had because the boss didn’t realize how painful indirect bullying could be. We all learned a lot in that experience. Leaders are expected to lift people up, make them feel included and valuable, when that doesn’t happen problems occur. Eliminate indirect bullying by being above it, deal with it when it appears, and SOAR!

William A. Brown

November 29, 2020

https://www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/questions-answered/direct-vs-indirect.asp 

https://www.psychologytoday.com. 

http://michaelericdysonlegacy.com/2015/04/racial-terror-fast-and-slow/ 

http://www.soarsuccessfully.com/articles-details.php?id=25

http://www.soarsuccessfully.com/articles-details.php?id=36