Go Hard on Problems, Easy on People

 

Leaders have to maintain a difficult balance. Because leaders deal with the most difficult and contentious issues, they deal with the most invested and often difficult and contentious personalities while trying to get decisions made. Managing change and difficult issues usually brings out the wolf in most people as they sit around the table determining solutions. In the most intense times, a leader will find him or herself at a table with all invested parties trying to define the problem for everyone, brainstorming solutions, then prioritizing and ultimately choosing a course of action. This is very easy to write about. It is much more difficult, and time consuming, and frustrating in action. Just like in politics, at work people look at the same thing and describe it differently. They all then look at each other with disdain for their differing view of things. By the time the interested parties make it to the table to discuss solutions, they already have defined their view of the issue, arguments to defeat the other side, and critiques of the people on the other side. It is up to the leader to negotiate all of this, and guide the team to a solution that works for everyone involved. For people who find themselves in this position, which is to say all leaders, the first rule I would suggest is, ‘Go hard on the problem, and easy on the people.’

 

It's pretty standard by now for people at a negotiation table to start by setting norms. If you’ve ever gone through the norm setting process, you’ve seen the norm, ‘don’t personalize’, or ‘criticize the idea not the person’, or something to that effect. I am an example of the best and worst practitioner of both. I’ve been undisciplined in meetings, taken issues or positions too personally, gotten in the way of problem solving, and mishandled people which makes me the perfect carrier of this message. Mainly it was my (painful) lessons that led me to begin writing, mentoring, and helping others avoid the mistakes I walked proudly into. I ignored the simple norm of going easy on people that caused the most pain early in my career. It's my goal that all leaders take this norm seriously, avoid problems that come with it, and have a long, successful tenure.

 

The problem isn’t really the problem at all, the problem is people’s perception of the problem. Everyone sitting around the table understands the problem from their perspective, the goal is to detach them from their perception so everyone can see the full picture and make clear headed decisions. It's the many perceptions of the problem that leads to infighting, name calling, digging in, and all out war at work. According to Adrian Iliopoulos of thequintessentialmind.com, “Most of our problems in our everyday endeavors stem from our inability to understand the power of perception and how this can affect one’s life and experiences.” Iliopoulos lists a few symptoms of “problems of perception” 

1. The feeling of disappointment and being let down by others. 

2. Getting into disagreements and verbal fights.

3. Experiencing disconnection and isolation.

4. Accusing others for your own problems. 

These “problems”, or people’s efforts to avoid these feelings, can lead everyone down a dangerous road during deliberations. In this sense, the people around the table and the leaders who guide them have the power to drive the group over a cliff if everyone doesn’t get a chance to have their say and be heard. These same people have the power to get things done while maintaining professional collegiality, but it all starts with the example of the leader. 

Another rule you may almost certainly have seen while setting norms in your meetings is ‘no interrupting’. This norm provides an opportunity for people to be heard. Interrupting communicates that you are not listening and what you have to say is more important than what the speaker is saying. The speaker may stop speaking but is likely not listening to the interrupter further separating people. Interrupting is an attack on the speaker, patience communicates that you respect the speaker and their message. Benjamin Franklin said, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still”. You will not change their mind by arguing or interrupting. There will be a time to dig into their message, just be patient, the truth is, they have to display the same amount of discipline and patience while listening to you and your message. This patient and respectful exchange of ideas is the only way. The more people can be heard, the more solid the setting for understanding, thinking, and creative solutions. 

In order to get things done, maintain workplace collegiality, and build an effective culture, leaders need to be hard on ideas, and easy on people. Don’t personalize, criticize, or interrupt. Instead, be disciplined, patient, and expect that others do too. It is easier said than done but your example will pay dividends because team members will follow your example and expect it of one another. Aristotle once said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it”. Listening doesn’t mean you agree, it just means you respect the speaker enough to go easy on them. Later in the process, after all ideas are on the table, you get to shred them to your hearts delight or, in the context of this article, go hard on the ideas. Over time, you and your team will be excellent at problem solving no matter the intensity because you stuck to that one simple rule. Be easy on people, hard on ideas, and SOAR!

 

William Brown

December 13, 2020 

The Problem Is Your Perception (thequintessentialmind.com)