Feedback is Essential

 

I remember the first time my boss told me a complaint had been submitted about me to the bosses at the District Office. I was a vice principal and had an unpleasant exchange with a parent about an issue I don’t remember today, and that parent formally complained to the District leadership. What I do remember is the feeling that the District superintendent would read it, think I was incompetent, and let me go. It was a school district that served 20,000 students and about 2,500 employees and at the time it felt like I was the focus of the superintendent’s frustration. Turns out the world did not stop spinning and focus on this complaint about me, it kept spinning, the issue got resolved, and everyone involved moved on. This discussion is about feedback, its impact and how to manage it. Negative feedback is part of leadership, it can make you feel insecure, fear, frustration and anger, however, when you understand that it is all just feedback it can be managed and put behind you. Evaluations, one-on-ones, budgets, complaints, grievances, contracts, and meetings are all just opportunities for feedback. None of which should be taken personally. I know, it's difficult, especially when you are the target of negativity but leaders responding out of insecurity does not help. Perspective does. Feedback is the view of an issue from someone else’s perspective, you don’t have to wear it, you only have to respond.

Fear and insecurity is usually the reason people are uncomfortable with feedback, so they hesitate, soften the message, or don’t give or seek it at all. The fear that someone will be mad at them, maybe they’ll tell someone else and everyone will hate you, or maybe you just don’t want to hurt their feelings, either way, this fear is hurting everyone. When you accept a leadership role, you don’t just accept the easy or fun things, you actually accept the most difficult challenges faced by the organization. The things that others don’t want to do, you take on. Accepting or delivering messages that aren’t fun to hear is part of any leadership role, so accept it, find a way to do it that makes people better, and share it. One day, a football coach put his nose in my facemask and told me exactly how he felt about my inability to make a block, I never missed that block again. You should never give that message to anyone on your team (at least not the way it was given to me) but straight talk is the way to improvement. Here are a few rules to follow when giving feedback, apply them or use them to create your own. 

Don’t surprise people with bad news. One source of anxiety when receiving feedback are the stories the receivers tell themselves before the meeting. This anxiety can be relieved by constantly giving feedback, talking about shortcomings, strengths and goals. Blindsiding employees in a meeting is not a recipe for improvement, instead it breeds insecurity, fear, and reduced productivity. This erodes trust and destroys morale and the customer experience, everyone feels this negative impact because, yes, your employees will share your message with their colleagues, friends and family. This usually happens in evaluations where a lingering problem shows up for the first time, in writing. If there is a problem, bring it up and give people an opportunity to correct it before it appears on their evaluation. 

People who are struggling already know there is a problem. They don’t need to sit across from you feeling diminished by your judgement, an exchange of thoughts is in order. Chances are really good that the person you need to talk to is aware that there is a shortcoming, it won’t be a surprise that you’d want to talk to them so do it. Talk about what you observe, share the impact, and listen to how the employee views the situation. They may have a point, or they may not be seeing the full picture. The best practice is to have it on the table where the issue can be dissected and resolved. You don’t have to diminish the problem to spare their feelings, they need to know the problem, even if it is a big one, they also need to know where you stand on it.

Come from a position of support. Someone who believes you are delivering the message because you want them to succeed will heed your advice and improve. Someone who believes you are just criticizing them won’t accept your advice and will be suspicious of your intent and will resent you. The boss’ orientation toward employees makes all the difference. Your belief in them can spark a contagious energy that lifts the entire team. As I mentioned before, employees will share what you share with them so be as supportive as you can be given the circumstance. 

Follow up. Check in with people on their progress, connect them with people who do their jobs well, reassure them that they can do it. If you want to make sure people are doing what needs to be done, and that they are able to be successful you need to ask them. Following up also communicates that you care about their success.

I’ll say it again, most of what a leader hears is feedback. Whether it is a complaining employee, formal complaint, grievance, evaluation, use each opportunity to listen and give your attention to what needs it. Do not make excuses and shy away from it. Relax, listen, then share, or relax, share, then listen, either way your approach to feedback is making or breaking the team so pay attention. If you can hear the message without taking it personally you can manage it, make the organization better for everyone and your team will SOAR!

William A. Brown

December 27, 2020

5 Steps to Giving Good Feedback at Work | The Muse