Gossip and Rumors at Work

Very few things can melt away trust in an organization as fast and efficiently as rampant rumors at a workplace. These usually uninformed messages swirl around your workplace like a kerosene soaked grassfire. Employees and leaders alike are targets of this vicious conduct and almost always fall victim to its destructive impact. We all, at one time or another, have played a part at the water cooler or in the parking lot or (gasp) the teacher’s lounge. This article is intended to help you to deal with this problem without compromising your standing, your dignity and building trust in the process. People usually start and spread rumors for one of two reasons 1. Doubt caused by the lack of information or lack of accurate information, and 2. The Terrible Triplets; Jealousy, Insecurity and fear. When either of these two are driven by someone with a lack of sound judgement you get misbehavior such as gossip and rumors that tear away any productive culture at the root.  

The easier of the two causes to deal with is Doubt caused by the lack of information or the lack of accurate information. In these cases, when you catch wind that there is a bad story swirling, you can call a meeting or meet with important members of your team. If you have a good relationship with your people, they will tell you what the issue is and what they’ve heard. Now, armed with the story, you get a chance to respond and clarify. Further, you can send out a memo informing people that you’ve heard the story and you’re taking a moment to clarify it for them and to offer an opportunity for them to come to you with their concerns about this or any other issue.

The more destructive of the two causes of gossip and rumors is the Terrible Triplets; jealousy, insecurity, and fear. In these situations, the source of the gossip wants to tear someone down in order to rise. Maybe the target is getting too much “shine” and it causes fear in the gossiper that they are losing something. Their insecurity whispers, then talks, then yells for them to do something to bring the target down a notch. The result is bad information spreading in the form of catastrophizing, exaggerating, lying, playing the victim, combined with any number of misbehaviors. This behavior destroys the team and person who is the source of it is so blinded by insecurity that they don’t notice or care. Getting around this is trickier because the source usually won’t be honest about it. Your response to it won’t be easy but it’s the only effective one. The reason for the negative stories is because they’ve caught wind of positive stories about you. Your response is to keep being excellent, keep giving people reasons to speak highly of you. Do not stoop to participation in pettiness. The truth is, people in your office know who is wrong. And, no, they are not going to confront the wrong they witness. Just keep doing what you’re doing until it passes or you find a new place.

Always keep in the front of your mind that gossip and rumors aren’t your problem, it’s theirs, don’t personalize it. I’ll say it again, DO NOT PERSONALIZE IT. Taking it personally will cause you to react in ways that validate their narrative which will cause them to turn up the volume causing you to respond again. This vicious loop will cost you your reputation and possibly your job, it isn’t worth it. People are inspired by people who do things they want to be able to do. If you can take a few blows and remain professional, address information and issues in spite of who caused them or what you think of them, people will notice and be uplifted by you. Especially if you are the target. Leadership sometimes feels like a burden and this is one of the reasons it feels that way.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 11:12, “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” A leader who gets involved in gossip and rumors that diminishes other people is less than incompetent, he is evil. People expect leadership from their leaders, you have to set the example by rising above it. If your ego can’t take a few blows then you aren’t suited for leadership. Going to work can be a gym for your ego, at times you’re going to have to exercise it and make it stronger by not responding to the pettiness that comes your way. Understand that your people need clarity and consistency. If you have a good relationship with them, they will bring information to you to clarify. They will also take your good information back to the water cooler and the parking lot, if they trust you. Also, they will not attribute anyone’s jealousy to your good reputation. You won’t need to do it yourself if you’re communicating with your team, your people will do it for you.

All that being said, I’ve been hurt by rumors, gossip, jealousy and even by the truth. I’ve made the mistake of responding to every rumor about me, I’ve gotten into the weeds and made every mistake you can make in leadership. It’s taught me some painful and important lessons I hope to share with you. I know that “being above it” isn’t easy to do. It may feel like you’re allowing or even condoning bad behavior, but let me tell you this, rising above it is much better than confronting crazy with crazy. Being big when others are being small is difficult but if you do, you and your entire team will SOAR!

 

William A. Brown

April 21, 2019

 

 

https://woman.thenest.com/effects-rumors-workplace-12994.html

https://www.verywellfamily.com/understanding-the-impact-of-rumors-and-gossip-460625