Be Careful What You Wish For

Outside of my regular 9-5, I also coach new and aspiring administrators. One thing I make sure to emphasize to everyone is the fact that this job is tough emotionally, you have to be prepared to deal with attitudes and conduct you may not see anywhere else in your life. More than that, you are not able to respond to these attitudes, and this conduct the way you deal with it in your regular life. That painful lesson was not lost on me. Early in my career I fell into this trap, reacting instead of responding mindfully. Today, because of my personal experience and that of people I have worked with, I can diagnose the behavior by the response of the people by observation. Today, I’m talking to people who are looking at taking the next step in leadership. The draw of being in charge is tempting, the responsibility frustrating so be careful what you wish for.

In 4^th Century BC the tyrant ruler of Syracuse, Dionysius II, though rich and powerful was supremely unhappy. His iron fisted rule made him so many enemies that he was constantly tormented by fears of assassination. So much that he slept in a bedchamber surrounded by a moat and only trusted his daughters to shave his beard with a razor. One day a young flatterer named Damocles showered him with compliments and remarked how blissful his life must be. Dionysius offered to give young Damocles an opportunity to live this blissful life. Damocles jumped at the opportunity. Dionysius sat Damocles on a golden couch and ordered servants to attend to his every whim. Shortly after giving the order to his servants, Dionysius hung a razor sharp sword over Damocles’ head, held by a single horse hair. From that moment on, it was impossible for Damocles to enjoy one moment of the lavish lifestyle and quickly told Dionysius he no longer wished for his “blissful” life.

Cicero made this parable popular. What he meant to communicate is that people in power labor under a constant specter of anxiety. From the outside, some only see the authority, power and respect. Just as with Damocles, the allure is irresistible. Once you sit on that golden couch, the attention and the responsibility begins. You soon notice the sword and are constantly distracted. Luckily for us, running our organizations are not like ruling an ancient Sicilian city. Although no one is looking to assassinate you, there will be people who will be more than willing to assassinate your career. It’s on you to not give them reasons. In my preparation for leadership I was highly critical about the conciliatory nature of my bosses. To me, it was a matter of principle, the boss lays down the expectations and holds people accountable. Violators get consequences. Black and white, very clear and predictable. What I learned is, that will lead to unhappiness and failure as a leader. Early in my career, I gave people reasons and they took them. The result, I felt like young Damocles sitting on that golden couch constantly staring directly upward at that razor sharp blade. Eventually, it fell.

What I’ve learned since that experience is that the most important thing is setting people up for success works for them and you. They can’t take opportunities you don’t give them. If you look out for their interests, they will 1. Be more successful at their jobs and 2. Be less likely to look for shots to take at you. You don’t need to interview very many people to know that relationships are bad in an organization, you just need to see whether or not the people are taking shots at the boss. Consider the volume and intensity of the shots being taken, every leader will take their share of shots, a leader with relationship problems will take more and more intense shots. If people are taking every opportunity to harm the leader, its usually because there is an uncovered base the leader needs to tend to.

The biggest complaint I hear is how people “can’t treat me like that”. The truth is that they shouldn’t but people will give you an unfair share of the credit and an unfair share of the blame. And, as the leader, your criticism will most times be uninformed and often public. The bigger your responsibility or power, the more tenuous things always seem to be. Remember that just like young Damocles, you asked for that position. You don’t complain about the compensation nor do you complain about the credit you receive, it’s all a package deal. If you can keep your sense of humor and understand that you are not as bad as your critics say, you are ahead in the game. Focus on the needs of your people, not the sword. The more you focus on what could happen to you, the less time you have to take care of the people who actually determine whether or not the sword falls. Every boss you know has the same anxiety, the good ones know how to manage it. Work on being the best, do that and you will SOAR!

 William A. Brown

June 9, 2019

 

https://www.history.com/news/what-was-the-sword-of-damocles