Follow The Blow Fly

The blow fly was given its name in Old England because it would lay eggs on meat and before that meat could be prepared or served, it had to be “fly blown”. An interesting fact: they do not lay eggs at night. Shakespeare makes references to blow flies in at least three of his plays including The Tempest, love’s Labour’s Lost, and Anthony and Cleopatra.

The blow fly gained its usefulness in modern forensics because of its ability to detect dead or rotting meat. Like a shark smelling blood in the water, the blow fly can detect death in the air from as far as a mile away. Once detected, the fly is drawn in and will lay its eggs in the moist areas of the body and within 24 hours those eggs will hatch. The flies that are born will repeat the process. Forensic detectives seeking to determine time of death of a body can count the cycles of blow fly life on the body. Colder temperatures slow the process, warm, moist environments speed it up so the environment the body was found in is a factor.

Recently, a member of my staff lost a family member that was close to her, then a conversation with two other colleagues months before came back to me. One colleague refused to celebrate anything with her coworkers because she lost someone close to her and no one bothered to reach out or said anything to her. She added that soon after that, when another colleague’s dog died, there was an outpouring of emotion and condolences. Her disappointment was clear. A third colleague who was a part of our conversation expressed disappointment that when he earned his degree no one called to congratulate him or seemed to even care. Their disappointment impacts their ability to support others in their time of need.

You hold what hurts. When a member of your team loses someone close to them, the leader’s response resonates deeply. So does a leader’s apathy. Like the blow fly, leaders should be drawn to people in pain. Unlike the blow fly, leaders should respond to significantly good events too. Asking about sick family members, offering condolences, attending funerals and celebrating accomplishments demonstrates concern for people that runs deeper than what they do during the workday. A lack of recognition of significant days conveys disinterest in what’s going on with people. Even if it isn’t communicated that way, it is felt, and is the cause of resentment, lack of trust and compromises performance at work. A leader’s behavior in these times, can have a powerfully positive or negative consequence on the team.

In 2002, writers from The Harvard Business Review discussed Leading in Times of Trauma. They write, “The managerial rule books fail us at times like these, when people are searching for meaning and a reason to hope for the future. There is, however, something leaders can do in times of collective pain and confusion. By the very nature of your position, you can help individuals and companies begin to heal by taking actions that demonstrate your own compassion, thereby unleashing a compassionate response throughout the whole organization. Unleashing compassion in the workplace not only lessens the immediate suffering of those directly affected by trauma, it enables them to recover from future setbacks more quickly and effectively, and it increases their attachment to their colleagues and hence to the company itself.” 

The Human Resources Department at the University of California at San Diego offers their employees a few points to remember when a colleague is dealing with loss.

·       Become involved in the re-entry process. The re-entry process is when a person returns to work after a loss. To help your colleague, you can keep connected. A friendly voice, in person or over the telephone, is always welcomed.

·       Acknowledge your co-worker's grief and offer your support and concern.

·       When your colleague returns to work, you will have natural concerns about his or her ability to work, and whether he or she will want to talk about the loss. Listen. Don't ask detailed questions, just listen.

·       Asking detailed questions about what happened usually comes across as intrusive. If your co-worker wants to talk about the event, do listen. Allow the person to repeat the details many times, as this is an important part of healing. However, if he or she is not yet ready to talk about it, don't push him or her to do so. Everybody grieves in their own way and at their own pace. Allow your co-worker to do so.

·       Be available for conversation on your co-worker's terms. An open-ended question, such as "How are you really doing?" or "How is it for you today?" will invite your colleague to talk as much as she or he feels.

·       Offer help with practical tasks such as preparing a meal or doing an errand.

·       Remember that your grieving friends and co-workers are still people who want relationships to continue as usual. While at times they may wish to talk about their loss, at other times they may not. Sometimes they may wish to lose themselves in their work or may relish just having a good time, and appreciating the replenishment of activities and conversation. Continue to include them in your usual activities.

Reminder, the leader is the drum major for the organization. People look to you for leadership, and the group mimics your lead. Times of despair and times of elation are opportunities for the leader to build comradery and bonds that impact performance far beyond the event. The blow fly gives us an example to follow, be there for people in times of pain. Go to them, offer condolences, and find ways to help them through their loss. Not only will your efforts be appreciated by that employee, but all will see you as a leader who cares. My father likes to say that in these times, “People just need someone to tell them everything will be okay.” Do that and you will SOAR!

William A. Brown

November 17, 2019

https://www.trulynolen.com/pest-control/flies/blow-flies/

http://www.exploreforensics.co.uk/insects-and-flies-in-forensic-medicine.html

https://hbr.org/2002/01/leading-in-times-of-trauma

https://blink.ucsd.edu/HR/services/support/grief/coworkers.html

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